As the title of this post states, I'm not seeing my progress as everyone else is. I get so many compliments, in person and online, as to how good I look and how good I'm doing, but I still can't see it myself. I swear that everything is going in the opposite direction for me. As the weight goes off, the self esteem is going DOWN. Not good at all. I thought that it was supposed to go UP. Hmm...
I think that it might come down to never totally knowing how to love myself.
For as long as I can remember, I was heavy. I was the "fat kid" who went home crying and eating a ton of junk food because the other kids made fun of me. Ever since, I never felt good enough or pretty enough.
Now, it's even worse. Yes, I've lost 60 pounds, but I still don't feel pretty enough. I actually think that the reason I don't have a boyfriend, or at least guys flirting with me, is because I'm not pretty because I'm not a size 2. Everyone tells me that I am pretty no matter what size I am, but I still have trouble accepting it.
For the record, I must love myself at least A LITTLE! Otherwise, would I really be sitting here blogging about my weight-loss journey? Probably not. I'm struggling with the self-esteem, but know that there will be that one day where I finally tell myself "You are pretty! You are worth it!"
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Kisses and hugs,
Tracy
I hope you're doing better. I certainly think the progress you have already made shows great dedication, strength, and numerous other admirable qualities.
ReplyDeleteHi ! I can TOTALLY relate with your feelings. I even blogged about associating being fat with being ugly b/c that was usually what my mind would tell me. Check out my "Fat Fries Please" blog when you get a chance ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd... WHOA you've lost 60 lbs !!!! That's amazing ! Truly an inspiration. I'll have to sit down and catch up on the older parts of your journey. I hope you return very soon and frequently to update us. I'm sure I could learn one, two, a million things from you.
~kisses