George Sheehan Classic (Red Bank, NJ)

Looking back on this race, even though it just ended two hours ago, I think George Sheehan's words say it all. (BTW, this was the back of the race shirt I got.)

I found out about this race four weeks ago, when I ran the Spring Into Summer 5K. I took a card with the website, and gave myself a few days to think about it.

Three days later, I had signed up for what would be my third race in a seven week span.

This race turned out to be a different experience than the first two. For one, I wasn't going crazy picking up my bib/timing chip and shirt on race day (Bib was sent about two weeks ago, and I got my shirt yesterday.)

It was also huge! My first race had a few hundred, the second was slightly more, and this one was anticipated to have close to 2500 runners! (I'll have more on that part later in the post.)

Everything this morning was in routine. I woke up at my usual race day time (6:30), ate my Cherrios and skim milk, checked Twitter and Facebook, and I left an hour later. 

I got into Red Bank about a half hour before the start. It was a lot of mingling in the general area of the start until race time (8:30). Everyone was kind of scattered until we lined up for the start, which was PACKED. This was how close I was to the start line (indicated by the checkered flag, which I circled in yellow)...

...and this is how far back it goes. 

Well, I can't say exactly how far back, but you get the idea.

Among the usual pre-race speeches, they announced that we would be running over Tower Hill. I just thought to myself, "Okay..." (More on that later).

Next thing I knew it, the national anthem was sung, and we were off! My third 5K was under way!

Well, after about 20 seconds. There were so many people that I had to walk to the timing mat. That's right, walk. A lot of people had the same idea, and very few started running until after crossing that mat.

Mile 1 was fast, and even with a walk break or two, I felt strong. I clocked in at 10:30, according to my watch (I think the clock time was 11:15-11:20, but I was going with my watch). I walked through a water station (part of my cup went on me =/), then kept running.

Mile 2 was a little slower, but I still felt strong, clocking in at 22:00 (clock time of 23 something; this mile was a bit of a blur, honestly). Just after that water stop, here came Tower Hill.

I was not anticipating the hill at all, and ended up walking up the hill. Although, I wasn't the only one who did this. It was steep, but it felt shorter than I thought.

After I went up, I pretty much came sprinting down, almost rolling. I ended up slowing down after a bit, since I knew flat road was coming up again.

It was at this point where I knew a PR wasn't possible. The hill slowed me down considerably, and took a lot out of me. 

Anyway, after a few more minutes, the race came back on to Broad Street, and the finish line was in sight. I ended up sprinting into the finish (with Chris Brown's "Yeah 3x" playing before I had to take off my headphones). Clock time was 36:44, but my official time was 35:51.04, just less than a minute slower than my PR. 

I kind of have mixed emotions about it, since I was going for a PR, but I didn't anticipate running the hill, which I might have known about if I checked out the course beforehand (which I didn't get the chance to do), so I'll take it and be proud of it. 

Looking back, I think I'm more upset over not getting a medal (which the registration form said all finishers would get), since they ran out just before I finished. At first, I was upset because I ran too slow to get one, but I got over that kind of quickly. I did have a good, strong race and enjoyed the experience.

Of course, there was the usual post-race spread of food. Foccacia sandwiches, chips, bagels, and probably more. I did get a cup of mango yogurt, but that was still a struggle to eat. I found out I'm one of those runners who can't eat for a few hours after a race.

I think I'm taking a few weeks of of running, since there's no races around here until September, and I kind of want a break. I guarantee this is not the end of my racing journey by a long shot!

Thank you for the love and support again! It means a lot to me!

Foodie Pen Pals: May 2012

Another month has passed, which means another Foodie Pen Pals post. This is the second month I have done the program, and I can't thank Lindsay at The Lean Green Bean for starting this! I love exchanging food with other bloggers and making a box to send to someone else (More specific details about the program are on her blog).

Okay, on to what I got this month! ;-) My box was from Beth at In Search Of... The box came on a day when it was crazy at work. So, when I got home and saw it, I was super excited! Here's what came:

• Cinnamon Pita Chips. I never had pita chips before. I finally opened the bag on Monday, and it was love at first bite. I had to put the bag away to keep from mindlessly eating them (I was watching Glee at the time...lol)
• Sea Salt Caramels. Beth mentioned in the note she sent that they were made a few miles from her house. Love these too!
• Cinnamon Raisin Peanut Butter. I never heard of it, and I can't wait to dig into it (especially on my waffles in the mornings)!
• A Justin's peanut butter bar. I love Justin's peanut butter, so this is another treat I can't wait to try!
• A Two Degrees chocolate peanut bar. I never heard of this brand, and may try this one morning with some yogurt as a light breakfast.  

This was the second month I've done this, and the second month I love what I got. I can't wait to see what June brings!

Tracy

Spring Into Summer 5K (Middletown, NJ)

Today was THE race. As in, the one I signed up for over three months ago, and have spent the last 10 weeks training for.

Last week blew my expectations out of the water with a 35:11 finish. I was hoping to get below 35:00 today. How did I do? Well, keep reading, and you'll find out! ;-)

Anyway, I needed to pick up my bib, shirt, and (so-called) goody bag (turned out to be nothing but flyers =P) since I couldn't get there last night. I got to the school that was hosting the race around 7:30, picked up my stuff, and sent it home with my sister after she pinned my bib on me. Like it or not, there was no turning back now!

I knew this race was big, but compared to the one I ran last weekend, it was HUGE! There were at least three times the participants, plus they had a one miler before the 5K and kids' races after. 

This race implemented B-chip timing, which meant the timing chip was attached to the bib. Awesome. I would know my official time and didn't have to worry about a tag as well as a bib. =)
After I was all set, I just tried to stay loose since excited nerves hit me about two days ago. The national anthem was sung around 8:05, just before the one miler started. The one miler was fun to watch. It was a lot of kids, and it was so ADORABLE!

Once the one-milers ended their race, it was time for the 5K racers to line up. Since our time didn't start until we crossed the mat, it really didn't matter where we were positioned. I kind of ended up in the middle of the pack. It was so packed at the start it was crazy! After we got started, it took me about 20-30 seconds to hit the start mat, due to the crowding. I didn't start my watch until I crossed the start mat, so I don't remember exactly how long it took me to get up there.


I hit the first mile in 10:43, which I have to admit was a little below what I was aiming for. I really thought I could get a sub 10:00 mile, but then I realized that this was only my second race, and my second in two weeks.


Right after the first mile marker, there was a water station (Nice!) and I had to walk through it. I'll eventually figure out how to "drink and run" while running on the road! ;-)


After that, my pace seemed to dip a little, but I kept going. I did have to take a few walk breaks, but I knew I could still finish under 35:00. Mile 2 was a blur, but I do remember the second water station. Mile 3 wasn't as much of a blur, but I do remember seeing the turn into the track where the race ended. However, I did not anticipate having to complete the race on 300 yards worth of track. =P


Best part: All the little kids who were holding out their hands to high-five the runners as we came in. Such an adorable moment. =)


I slowed down a little, but was able to sprint out the last few yards. My second 5K was in the books!


When I crossed the finish line, my clock time was 35:26. I then stopped my watch and it said 35:01. However, I knew that neither was my official time, since I didn't officially start until I crossed the mat.


About five minutes later, I got my official time: 34:56.11! BOOYAH!

Okay, I know that I only beat my goal by a few seconds, but considering I was doing this a week after running a 5K, and that it was only my second race ever, I was very happy with that time.


After the race, there was a ton of food. Hamburgers, hot dogs, and all sorts of other stuff. I knew I couldn't stomach any of it that early (I finished just after 9:00), so I got a sampler cup of Rita's cantaloupe ice (which was really good) and a cup of mango yogurt. I tried to eat a piece of a bagel, but I knew I couldn't after the first two bites.


This was another race that I would love to do again next year. Organization was top-notch for a local race, they had chip timing, and the atmosphere was amazing! I could do without the barbeque food at 9:00 in the morning, but that's just me.


I think I'm taking a week off of outdoor running, then who knows what the summer has in store! Once again, thank you all for the love and support!


Tracy

Titan 5K (Keansburg, NJ)

It's official! I'm a 5K finisher! Blew my goal time out of the water too (by nearly 5 minutes)!


As I wrote on Thursday, I signed up for this race on a whim. I thought that this was one of the craziest things I've ever done, but at the same time, I'm glad I did it!


My wake up wasn't super early (7:00), since the race wasn't until 9. Excited nerves hit me this morning, but I still managed to eat a bowl of Multi-Grain Peanut Butter Cherrios with skim milk (my usual pre-run fuel).


They didn't have packet pick-up yesterday, so I knew I would need time to get my stuff before the race. It turns out I was considered a pre-registered runner (despite registering a day and a half before), so I did get my shirt (see pic above) and a bag full of all sorts of stuff, most of it Army related, since this race was benefiting the Wounded Warrior Project.


After I got my stuff, I ended up going back to my house to drop it off, since there was no gear check or anything (didn't think there would be), so that was my warm-up walk.


Once I got back, I was just mingling until about 8:50, when we lined up. There was no specific order for faster/slower runners, but they did tell those who were walking the whole thing to go toward the back. Still ended up kind of close to the start though, since it was kind of a small race:

(Sorry for the bad quality. This one was on my cell phone and its crappy camera =P)


Next thing I knew, the national anthem was sung and we were off!


I crossed the start line after about 15 seconds, and was off. The course was flat and fast through residential areas. There were a few locals around to cheer us on, which was awesome! =)


There were no mile markers, but there were volunteers from the Keansburg High School baseball and softball teams there holding up signs where we needed to turn. The turnaround was down by the boardwalk and surprisingly, there was a water station (Awesome!). I hit that point just short of 18:00, and it was then I knew I would finish under 40:00.

I did have to take a few walk breaks, but I ran most of the race, and next thing I knew, the high school was back in sight, and it was less than a half mile to the finish line. I finished as strong as I started, and crossed the finish line at 35:11, just less than 5:00 less than my goal time!


After the race, they had water right at the finish (Score!) and all sorts of food in the school cafeteria. All I had was a cinnamon raisin bagel with some cream cheese. I wasn't about to go for pasta or subs at 9:45 in the morning (and didn't think my stomach would enjoy it either).

I have to say that this was an awesome race. It was well organized, lots of support, and it was for a good cause! There were even some soldiers there, which made it even more awesome. I can already say I will be running this again next year!

Thank you to everyone for your love, support, and encouragement over the last two months! It meant a lot! I can't wait to do my second 5K next Saturday (This one being the one I originally signed up for)!


Tracy

Last Minute Race!

Hi, all! Writing to you tonight with huge news:

I entered the Keansburg Titan 5K for this Saturday, kind of last minute entry. This Saturday will be my first ever 5K.

Note: I probably wouldn't have entered this if I wasn't already training for a 5K, which I was (The Spring Into Summer 5K which I entered is the 19th).

I only found out about this a few days ago, during one of my training runs in Keansburg. I went past the high school and saw a sign for it. It was in the back of my head all week.

Tonight, I took the plunge and signed up. Last minute I know, but I figure I'm familiar with the area, since I've done at least half of my Spring Into Summer 5K training in that area. Plus this way, I can get some race adrenaline out. It is crazy, but at the same time, I'm so excited!

Now, to put together my playlist and figure out what I'm going to wear...

Peace out!

Tracy

Life Falling Into Harmony

I'm writing this almost out of nowhere, and honestly, I think that's where the best posts come about.

For those who don't know, I was in a bad place in more ways than one for months. I was struggling with my self-esteem, despite the weight loss. I was also in a job I couldn't stand, trying to find a new one for months with no luck.

Then, a month ago, everything seemed to fall into place. Almost in perfect harmony.

I signed up for a 5K. The beginning runs were hard, but my mental confidence boosted each week along with my physical endurance (well, except for one mental setback).

I love myself for the first time in, well, ever. I look at myself not as a shape or a pant size, but as a strong person who can do practically anything I set my mind too.

Finally, I got a new job. I went from Chuck E. Cheese to Panera, and I think that was the best move I could have made. I've been there a month, and I've been happier than I was in nine years at Chuck E.

While I may not have a picture perfect life for someone my age, I've realized that everything that has happened was because it was supposed to. Months ago, I was thinking that the best years of my life were gone, just because I wasn't in the same boat as everyone else. Now, I've realized that they've just begun. I'll have years to settle down. For now, I'm happy with continuing on my own path in life.

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

Foodie Pen Pal: April 2012

Hi, all! Taking a break from the 5K updates to post about a program I took part in called Foodie Pen Pals. For those unfamiliar with the program, it was started by Lindsay over at The Lean Green Bean and it's pretty much exchanging food with fellow bloggers/readers. (More details on her blog). This was the first month I did it and I enjoyed putting together the box for my pen pal as well as getting my own!

I received a box from Lindsay over at Running with Tongs. I told her my favs were chocolate, peanuts/peanut butter, and cinnamon and that I was open to trying new things. I got my box today and I got all sorts of treats. =)

This was what I got in the box:
 

 

• Two Luna bars, one Peanut Butter Cookie and one Caramel Nut Brownie. Both sound delicious. I will be digging in very soon. =)
• Chocolate flavored Amazing Meal. This will come in handy as an after-workout snack.
• A mini Dan's Chocolates Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter bar. Ate it. Loved it.
• A jar of Justin's All-Natural Peanut Butter (Creamy). This came in handy as I was just running out of peanut butter. Love it on my whole wheat waffles. 
• Chocolate Chia Goodness. I have yet to break into this. Maybe over the weekend, when I have time to make something other than Cherrios for breakfast.
• Coupons for Chia Goodness

In the note that she wrote (part of the package has to include a handwritten note of some sort), she said that she went with a chocolate/peanut butter theme and included some of her favs. I saw everything, and I never tried any of the stuff in the box (except for the peanut butter), so I was excited to try it!

I will definitely be doing this program again, and I can't wait to see what I get in the future! =D

Tracy

5K Training: Week 6

Hi, all! It's hard to believe I'm just 20 days away from my first 5K! Two months ago, I decided, kind of impulsively, to do this. Little did I know that this journey would be a test, both mentally and physically. And it's not over yet. I still have two more weeks of training to go before the race.

I know whatever I run will automatically be a personal best, but I'm aiming to finish in about 40 minutes. If I run the whole thing, that's awesome. However, I've also come to peace with taking walk breaks if need be. This is my race, and I need to complete it with how I feel comfortable doing so. It's my first race, and while I have a specific time goal, my main goal is to cross that finish line, which I WILL do!

That's all from me. Have a good week!

Tracy

5K Training: Week 5

Hi, all! I decided to stop with the training logs when writing about my race training. It's boring and somewhat repetitive. Not what I want this blog to be.

First off, I'm in better spirits both mentally and physically than I was last week. I hit a rough spot, but realized that it's not about being the best but that I cross the finish line. Hard to believe that it's just over five weeks away! Also, I got the confirmation e-mail yesterday, so there really is no turning back now!

I'm repeating week 4 of the C25K this week, since I didn't feel so strong at the end of last week. I'm seeing improvement mentally as well as physically this week.I managed to do 2.3 miles without stopping on the treadmill on Monday. I went out on the road today, and realized that my endurance outdoors on the road may not be where I want it to be, but I have come a long way in just 5 weeks. I may still have to do a run/walk combo on race day, but I WILL be a 5K finisher!


Have a good weekend!


Tracy

Mental Block in the Training...

I want to apologize in advance if this post sounds a little...snappy at times. I know it is long-winded, but I just have a lot of thoughts going through my head this week and need to get them out somewhere in some sort of coherent fashion.


Anyway, my 5K is six weeks from tomorrow. Two things I would love to do right about now:

1) Cry my eyes out. I'm mentally worn out.
2) Crawl into fetal position while screaming "What the hell was I thinking?!"


Yes, I was all excited for signing up for my first ever race back when I signed up almost two months ago. I thought that since I started my weight loss journey over two and a half years ago, it would be cool to do something I never did before. I was all excited and couldn't wait to start training.


Until this week. I have seem to hit a mental block.


I repeated week 3 of the C25K last week, but decided to move up to week 4 this week (which is week 5 of my training). The program for all three days is a 5 minute warm-up walk, followed by a 3 minute jog, 90 second walk, 5 minute jog, 2 and a half minute walk, then repeat the whole cycle once.


Anyway, I was fine for the first stretch of the workout. Then came that first 5 minute run. I don't know what came over me, but I had to stop for at least one walk break of about 10-15 seconds. That was the case during the second run too. I ended the run fine physically, but so disappointed in myself at the same time. I know that speed will come, but I thought that I would be flying by now. Just...at a loss.


I know one thing will be true: I will take part in and finish this race.


Part of my mantra throughout this journey has been to finish what I start. Well, I sent in the form and money, and am five weeks into training for this thing. So, if I don't actually participate, then I won't finish what I started. In the end, I think that will be the more disappointing to live with.


Three years ago, I wouldn't have even THOUGHT about doing a 5K. In six weeks, I will cross that finish line no matter what. It's all about finishing what I started!


Have a good weekend, everyone!


Tracy

5K Training: Weeks 3 and 4

Hi, all! Forgot to post my training from last week (=P), so I decided to combine last week's and this week's training on to one post.

Last Week (Week 3):

Training runs on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I found Saturday's to be tough for whatever reason, but I did finish what I started! I also did three days of strength training in the gym (Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday).

This Week (Week 4):

Monday ended up being an active rest day (just a 20 minute walk). Yesterday, I repeated week 3, day 1 of the C25K. Tough run both mentally and physically! However, I finished what I started once again, and in the end, that's all I wanted to do. The rest of the week is a toss-up. I definitely plan on doing two more training runs this week, but the rest is up in the air between how much time I spend in the gym, and how much I workout at home. I'll figure it out and update this post later.

That's all for now! Have a great day!

Tracy

5K Training: Week 2

Hi, all! Happy First Day of Spring! =)

I forgot to post over the weekend with last week's training, so here was how it went:

• Monday-Week 2, Day 1 of C25K. Tough, but I finished.
• Tuesday-Biggest Loser Last Chance. Another 25 minute workout that makes me feel like I spent an hour in the gym.
• Wednesday-Morning run (C25K Week 2, Day 2) that felt great! Also did an afternoon lifting session at the gym with 15 minutes of light running on the elliptical.
• Thursday-Active rest day. Yeah, my plan for one day of total rest didn't work too well. Ended up walking for 45 minutes (broken up into 15 minute intervals).
• Friday-31 minute run (C25K week 2, day 3) on the treadmill due to icky weather plus a 30 minute lifting session.
• Saturday-35 minutes of cardio. After 15 minutes on the elliptical, I felt good and strong. Ended up for another 5 minutes on there, then went for 15 on the summit trainer.
• Sunday-Normal 30 minutes of cardio, plus 30 minutes of lifting.

Today, I'm moving on to week 3 of 5K training. Hope this week isn't as bad as the app makes it look.

Have a great day, everyone!

Tracy

5K Training: Week 1

Hi, all! I started my 5K training this week (10 weeks before the race). It started off a little slow, but by my third training day, I felt great!

I'm incorporating strength training as normal (3 times a week), and my regular cardio (elliptical/summit trainer) as much as possible, since I don't want to be burned out before the race starts. I'm also forcing myself to take one full rest day a week. For those who know me, I usually take one active rest day. That will not be the case while I'm training for the race.

Here's how the week went:

• Monday-First 5K training run. It was rough, but I finished it. My only thought was "Glad I started training now. It's going to be a long 10 weeks." 
• Tuesday-Level 1 of Biggest Loser Boot Camp. I ended the 20 minute workout feeling like I spent an hour in the gym.
• Wednesday-30 minute training run. This one went better than Monday's. Much better.
• Thursday-Regular gym workout. 30 minutes of upper body strength and 30 minutes of cardio.
• Friday-Rest day
• Saturday-Training run on the treadmill. This actually went well, considering that I hate treadmills. I got an idea of my time (about 14 minutes/mile, not terrible, considering I've never really run before). I probably won't do this too often, since I want to keep the running to the outdoors. I also did a regular strength training workout. 
• Sunday-Regular 30 minutes of cardio. 

I'll be starting week 2 of the C25K tomorrow. I find that my body is adapting to regular running pretty fast. I could totally become addicted to this. Actually, I already am.

That's all for now! Have a great day, everyone!

Tracy

5K Training: Pre-Training

Hi, all! As I posted a week or two ago, I decided to run my first ever 5K on May 19. I didn't want to start training too early, but decided that I (mentally) can't wait anymore! I'm starting this week! I'm actually excited about this. I can say that I haven't had this excited feeling about anything in a long time.

I will be using the Zen Labs C25K Trainer Free app on my iPod touch. Everything is programmed within the app, it lets the user play music of his or her choice, and is the only app that works accurately when my iPod is locked (which I do often to save battery). However, it does not integrate distance into it, so I'm looking into buying a heart rate monitor that does. If I do, that's awesome. If not, I can always use the Nike + iPod app on my iPod.


My program is only an 8 week program. I'm just under 11 weeks to the race, but I did this intentionally. With starting this early, I can allow myself time to stay on a level for additional time if I need it (which I have a feeling I will, especially the first week or two).


On that note, week 1's training is three 30 minute workouts alternating walking and running. I plan on doing Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'll see how it goes, and if I feel comfortable, I'll move on next week. If not, I'll stay on this level for another week.


Gotta run (literally and figuratively)! =)


Tracy

Taking The Plunge

Hi, all! It's been some time since I posted, but I felt the need to put something up tonight.

Within the past two weeks, I signed up for two different events, both of which I'll be doing for the first time.

The first is a local 5K on May 19. I never ran any sort of race, and decided that I would do a 5K this year. I was on the fence about it for a few weeks, but finally printed and filled out the entry form today. It's going in the mail tomorrow. I'm excited and can't wait to start training! (Also, this might help me to blog more, with training progress and such ;-) )

The second is the annual Fitbloggin conference in Baltimore this September. Again, it's something I've never done. I've never been to Fitbloggin, and I've never taken an overnight trip by myself. I can't wait to go to that either, meet several of my Twitter friends, and have a good time! =)

On another note, I made it to 85 pounds lost! Only 15 more to go before I hit my weight loss goal! I made it this far, I got this to the end and then some! 

That's all from me tonight! Peace!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

Just...amazed, and a warrior queen to boot

Hi, all! Ten days into 2012 and I hope it's treating you all well!

I know I haven't posted lately, and it's partly from time, but mostly from a lack of words.

Tonight, while tweeting about not knowing what to blog about, my friend Jennifer (@flowermom3 on Twitter), was telling me that I've come a long way, and that I should be amazed at what I've done.

So, thanks to her, that's tonight's post.

When I started this journey almost two and a half years ago, I was a weak (both physically and emotionally) 24 year old whose life was more out of control than I thought it was.

I realized I had to turn my life from "I can't" and "I'm not" to one of "I can" and "I am." Throughout this journey, I for the most part have. However, I have still had those moments of breakdowns and still seeing myself as that weak person still unhappy with myself.

Just recently, as in the last two or three months, I've had a breakthrough. I'm truly seeing myself as that strong, skinny person that I am! I've realized that I have changed throughout this journey, and that I can do just about anything.

That includes not beating myself up over the small stuff. For example, I had a sluggish elliptical run (2.15 miles in 15 minutes) today. I was so upset with that today because I know I can go so much faster. However, looking back on it tonight, I remember a time when I couldn't even go that fast. I also told myself that what really matters is that I went in there and gave it my all today, sore body and all. I also realized that I can always try again the next day.


One of my favorite cardio songs, which has turned into one of my favorite songs ever, is Lady Gaga's "Marry the Night." It can blast me through a bad run or put me in a good mood when I'm feeling a bit down. Yeah, I know it's pretty much a song about partying and such, but I think the opening verse just describes my journey, especially more recently, even more than the Jordin Sparks song that serves as my blog title does. Anyway, here's the verse:

"I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
live passionately tonight."

In two and a half years, it's safe to say I've become a warrior queen on this journey.


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

Quick Update

Hey, all! I know it's been awhile since I last blogged, and I do apologize, and will probably make a New Year's resolution to blog more...lol.

Since I last blogged, I hit 3 milestones:

1) I hit my 80 pound loss. FINALLY! 20 pounds to goal now. =)

2) I bought my first ever pair of Abercrombie and Fitch jeans. Size 12. They are a little tight, but THEY FIT!! =D Here's that pic:

 3) Last Friday, I made it through a 10k (6.22 miles) on the elliptical. Well, actually, I didn't want to get off the machine, so I ended up doing a little bit more...

Well, there were some slow stretches on this workout, and I did walk a few times, but I didn't give up!

Actually, I realized there is a fourth one as well. I went into the mall on Tuesday and went into Hollister. Just for kicks, I tried on a pair of size 11 jeans. No surprise, they didn't fit. I'm not even sure you can call it close to fitting. However, I was okay with it. A year ago, hell, even six months ago, I would have pulled a fit and burst into tears in the dressing room. This time, I held my head high and realized that there is more to life than wearing Hollister jeans.

I'm taking a mental health day, so it's back to watching Cars 2 for me! Good night to you all!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

Who's Afraid of 13? Not this girl!

Hi, guys! I know it's been over two months since I last updated, but tonight, I felt more motivation to write.


The last two months, I've been more or less down on myself. I know I've come so far in two years, but there are moments when I still struggle with the self-esteem. I think I sound like a broken record when I say this, but I think it's partially due to never knowing what it's like to feel good about myself. I feel better about myself, of course, but there are times when I still have that insecurity and still wish I was smaller, faster, or yes, prettier, than I am.


However, on Saturday, I hit a turning point. An emotional one.


I went to Kohl's on Saturday afternoon, kind of a spur of the moment shopping trip on the way to get dinner. I went into the juniors' department, just wanting one pair of jeans, not expecting my size to have changed at all. I picked out a few things, including a pair of Candie's flare leg jeans in a size 13, just for kicks.


Those were the first jeans I tried on, and THEY ACTUALLY FIT!! Here's the dressing room pic:

I loved them, then realized they were (obviously) too long, even if I wore my black dress shoes with them. I did try on another pair, a boot cut pair, still a size 13, along with a juniors XL top:

I ended up buying the whole outfit. It cost me $31. This is what I call winning. =D


Saturday showed just how far I've really come, even if I didn't truly realize it. I know I can finish what I started and I will see it through to the end!


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

Happy Birthday to Me!

Hi, everyone! I know I haven't posted in awhile, partly to busyness, and partly lack of inspiration.


For those who haven't seen it on Twitter and/or Facebook, today is my birthday. I'm 26, yet feel younger than that even.


This last year has been an up and down year, both emotionally and physically. It was a continuation in my weight loss journey, and I have learned that it is as much emotional as it is physical. I think that as I enter my 26th year, I have learned a lot more than I did going into my 25th. I learned that it is okay to put myself first, and not feel guilty when I do. I also learned that I can do it on my own. Granted, there are times when it's hard to do so, and I'm not saying that this whole journey is easy, but it can be done.


For those wondering, I did not hit my weight loss goal by my birthday. I am down to 169 pounds, which is 19 pounds short of my initial goal. However, I reset my goal by 4 pounds. I am now going for 100 pounds lost. It won't be easy, but I am determined to see it through!


Thank you for all your love and support during the last year and for the coming year and beyond!


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

FINALLY Loving Myself!

Hey, all! I know it's been awhile since I wrote. I've had no inspiration to write lately. Blah. =P

Anyway, yesterday, I had a major breakthrough on my weight loss journey!

I finally have started to love myself and see myself as the smaller person I am. Almost two years in to this, and for the first time, I'm truly loving myself.

You see, I bought a pair of size 17 Unionbay khaki short shorts last summer. Part of me did it because they were only $3 on the clearance rack at Kohl's. Part of me was planning on wearing them that summer. Well, it didn't happen then. I still was not fully confident to wear them at all last year.

Well, yesterday, that all changed. I put them on, and honestly, it was such a strange feeling. Then again, over the last two years, I've had a lot of strange feelings, not just about clothes, but all sorts of other stuff too (but that's another post). Anyway, I put them on and went out wearing them! And I felt so confident with myself! That was a huge step in this journey, and from here on out, it's no more negatives! Well, mostly no more negatives...lol.

Before I end this post, here's a pic from yesterday! I am now 171 pounds (down 75 pounds!) and in a juniors' size 17!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

Putting the Weight Back On

Hi all! For the record, you DID read that title right.

Yes, I did put the weight back on, but not literally. I don't think I could do it for real even if I tried.

At the gym this morning, I told my trainer that I hit my 75 pound weight loss milestone (this morning, actually! =D). Guess the first thing he made me do.

That's right. Put the weight back on. Well, not exactly on.


He got two 35 pound kettlebells, made me put one in each hand, and do two laps around the gym holding them. Even though it was 5 pounds less than I lost, it was still really hard to do. By the time it was over, I wanted to cry. I could not believe that just under two years ago, I was literally carrying that weight around 24/7/365! It was such hard work! It was then that I truly realized that I could not put that weight back on to my body ever again. 


Just figured I would share that with everyone! Have a good night!


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

Milestones Hit!

Hi, everyone! It's been some time since I last posted, but this one is a happy post!


Last week, I hit my 70 pound milestone! I lost 5 pounds, bringing my total loss to 71 pounds in a year and eight months! Yay! I rewarded myself with Carolyn Hennesy's "The Secret Life of Damian Spinelli" book (I'm a soap opera fanatic, for those who didn't know that...lol.)


Second, I bought my first ever pair of Aeropostale jeans! Size 15/16 skinny jeans and they fit perfectly! Best part was that they were on sale for $14.99! Double success! =D


Third, I have decided to end my personal training when the contract ends in May. It is a lot of money for me, plus I think I'm at a point where I think I'm set to go back on my own. I did start this journey on my own, so I can totally finish it on my own. It might take some time (still about 20 pounds to lose), but it is definitely doable!


That's all from me for tonight. Peace out, peeps! =)


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

Quick Update!

Hello, everyone! I know it's been awhile since I last wrote on here, but I've been busy with work and the gym, plus my access to my laptop is extremely limited since it's the only computer in the house.

Anyway, I just wanted to update you all with my latest progress:

1) I hit BOTH my cardio goals for the month of March! I did 46.03 miles on the elliptical, going over my goal of 45 miles by 1.03! My goal for the summit trainer was 25 miles, and I did 25.7! Success!

2) No change with my weight. I have hit a plateau, both physically and emotionally. Plus, this week is "that time", so that doesn't help any at all. Oh well. Just kick ass more this coming week!

3) I have survived nine months without soda. So many times I've been tempted to cave in and have one, but I've stayed strong. I didn't think I would! 

Anyway, that's all for tonight! Next post, I'll have some pictures up on here!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

Same Story, Different Day =(

Hi, everyone! I know it's been awhile since I wrote on here! Between not having constant access to my laptop, and simply lack of inspiration, it's been a little hard to.


It has been an up and down month, both physically and emotionally. I seem to have hit another "Debbie Downer" phase, at least for part of the month. My numbers weren't where I wanted them to be, and I was, once again, struggling with my self-esteem. I have spent a good chunk of February as a mess. Just as I thought I was getting better, it all came crashing down again.


I realize that I have less than a third of my goal left to go, and that the weight will not come off as easily as it did in the beginning, not that the first part of my weight loss was a (sugar-free...lol) cakewalk, but it seems that the last 20-30 pounds is the hardest to lose. Still, part of me feels like I'm not doing enough or doing something wrong, because honestly, I feel like I should be at goal by now, after over a year and a half of doing this. 


As for the emotional, it's more of the same crap I've been thinking about for months. Once again, I hit a point where I don't think I'm loveable. I know that there is more to a person than what's on the outside, but sadly, most people don't. That is such a shame to think about, much less talk about, but it is, very sadly, reality. I think part of it is not knowing anything but being heavy, looked down on, and made fun of for pretty much my entire life. I know I'll accept myself, and I have at one point, but for now, it's back to where I was: feeling disgusting and unloveable.


Anyway, I'll end here. Hope I can blog again soon!


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

JanGTD Reflection

Hi, everyone! I know it's been awhile since I blogged, but I have been a busy girl! Work, sleep, vidding, and so much more! But I decided to finally make time and write this entry about a challenge I just finished.

Through some Twitter pals, I found out about a challenge called "Go the Distance." Basically, it was setting goals with both strength training circuits and cardio miles. These were the goals I set for myself:

1) 12 strength circuits

2) 50 miles on the elliptical

3) 25 miles on the summit trainer

Most of the month was a challenge. Besides not having access to my gym for several days of the month (Snow kept me from getting to the gym), there were honestly some days where I didn't feel like working out. Still, I pushed through those mental blocks, and kicked ass more and more throughout the month!

Results of JanGTD:

1) 11 strength circuits done. If I was more motivated to workout at home, I would have gotten to 12. =(

2) 39.8 miles out of 50 on the elliptical. 79.6% of my goal. Given that I wasn't  able to get to the gym as often as I would have liked, I'm happy with that.

3) 25.4 miles on the summit trainer. I went over goal by 0.4 miles. I set a smaller goal on that because it is the harder of the two modalities, and I hit it last night!

However, even if I didn't hit my overall goal, I set some smaller goals for myself. One was to do an hour of cardio, since I was hardly able to do 20 minutes without wanting to pass out. I did that several times throughout the month!

My second was to hit 4 miles on the elliptical. I had done at most 3 and change at once, and I really wanted to hit 4, partially to push myself, and partially to tell myself "Yes, I can!" All month, I struggled to do it. On Sunday, something came over me, and the juices were flowing hard and fast! I set the timer on the elliptical for 30 minutes, but told myself I would not get off until I hit the 4 miles. I didn't need the full 30 minutes to hit it. I hit my fourth mile at 28:52! However, I didn't quit until I finished the full 30 minutes, and ended at 4.15 miles. Here's the pic for those who need proof...lol (Ignore the heart rate reading. I wasn't holding the sensors.):

One word: INSANITY!!

I had several of my Twitter pals rooting me on as I did this. I try not to tweet (or do anything else) while I workout, but tweeting on Sunday definitely helped me! Knowing that people were supporting me was awesome! 

Even though I only hit one of my three goals during this challenge, I felt like I accomplished so much more. I pushed myself in ways that I may not have if I didn't sign up for this. This was also the first time that I had set a specific goal for myself. Just having the goal totally motivated me in the gym! 

Before I close, I lost 3 pounds this week, bringing my total loss to 66 pounds! I am now 180, which is a number I haven't seen in, like, 10 years! Such an amazing feeling!

Okay, I'm done before I turn this entry into a book! Good night, and happiness to all! =)

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

More to Life than Clothes and Appearance

Hi, everyone! I know it's been over a month since I last wrote in here! Holiday craziness, stress, and and just lack of motivation have sort of caused me to lose ideas to write. 


However, after taking part in a chat on Twitter last week, I sort of got an idea for a blog. It took me a few days to put it on here though. I have started to realize that there is more to living than just appearances and that one can not judge self-worth or anything else on the outside alone. It took me a while to realize this myself, and that I was getting upset over the dumbest stuff.

For example, I almost had a meltdown in Victoria's Secret after I realized I was still too big to fit into their bras there. I wanted to cry so bad. Yes, I know the bras are overpriced, but that was something that I have never been able to do, and knowing that I still can't does suck, but I just realized that over a year ago, I would have never had the guts to go in that store at all. So, baby steps do lead somewhere.    


I have realized that not everything can happen all at once, and that I can't flip out over something as silly as a $40 bra at VS or a $60 pair of Hollister jeans (yes, I have had near meltdowns in there too after finding out that their largest size is an 11). However, I know that in time, I will be able to shop in those stores too (and my bank account will not be thanking me any...lol) and that I have to keep moving forward.


Last week, I started taking part in the "Me First" chats on Twitter. (The movement's website is www.thememovement.com) The topic was body image. Through numerous questions I have realized that I was still clinging to a negative body image. Even though I had lost all this weight, I still couldn't find a positive thing about myself. However, with a little bit of soul searching, I have started to come around. For example, today I looked in the mirror, well, kitchen window, and for the first time, did not think that my legs were fat! From the front, I saw skinny legs, and the back, I saw well-defined, muscular legs! That was one of my biggest problems for awhile. I always thought I had fat legs, but realized that I just have muscular, athletic calves! Oh, and I can fit a whole calf into a boot, so that helped too...lol =)


I know that the world is a superficial place, with thin people being more desired and praised while heavier people are looked down upon, and often rejected by society in general. During the chat, a shirt from Urban Outfitters was brought up. The shirt simply said "Eat Less." Just an example of thin being more desired. Stuff like that leads to more girls having negative body image and possibly having an eating disorder. Just goes to show that inner qualities aren't as important to some people as physical appearance. I'm thankful that I was able to start loving myself before I could go down that route.


I want to close with this little task for you. Look in the mirror. Think of five positive traits about yourself (not physical). Say them to yourself. I did this exercise the other day and I felt better about myself right away. For the record, here are my five:
1) I am a caring person.
2) I do what I feel is right, even if it's not the popular choice.
3) I am usually energetic.
4) I am an awesome friend.
5) I love to laugh, and can sometimes make others laugh too. =)


You can share your five or not, it's up to you. It's just a small exercise to realize that life is more than numbers and physical appearances, something that I struggled to realize myself until recently.


If I don't blog again before Saturday, Happy New Year! Let's make 2011 a year to full of positivity and happiness! =D


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

Why can't I see what everyone else does?

Hi, everyone! Hope everyone is doing well and not stressing out over the start of the holidays!

As the title of this post states, I'm not seeing my progress as everyone else is. I get so many compliments, in person and online, as to how good I look and how good I'm doing, but I still can't see it myself. I swear that everything is going in the opposite direction for me. As the weight goes off, the self esteem is going DOWN. Not good at all. I thought that it was supposed to go UP. Hmm...

I think that it might come down to never totally knowing how to love myself.

For as long as I can remember, I was heavy. I was the "fat kid" who went home crying and eating a ton of junk food because the other kids made fun of me. Ever since, I never felt good enough or pretty enough. 

Now, it's even worse. Yes, I've lost 60 pounds, but I still don't feel pretty enough. I actually think that the reason I don't have a boyfriend, or at least guys flirting with me, is because I'm not pretty because I'm not a size 2. Everyone tells me that I am pretty no matter what size I am, but I still have trouble accepting it.

For the record, I must love myself at least A LITTLE! Otherwise, would I really be sitting here blogging about my weight-loss journey? Probably not. I'm struggling with the self-esteem, but know that there will be that one day where I finally tell myself "You are pretty! You are worth it!"

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

15 Month Reflection and Goals for the Future

Hi, all! I made it to my 15 month mark on my weight loss journey! I know I've only lost 60 pounds, but I haven't stopped going, even though at times, I've felt like everything was crashing down. This past week, I've done a little (okay, a lot!) of soul searching, and wanted to get my thoughts out before they slip my mind. It's a lot, so bear with me.


Six things I've learned about myself:
1) I am capable of way more than I realized that I was.
2) I have become more emotional than I was in the past, and that's okay. 
3) I honestly still struggle with self-esteem, but realize that at the end of the day, I am truly great inside and out.
4) I am not as alone in this as I thought I was.
5) I can stand up for myself and not be totally afraid of the repercussions
6) I AM WORTH IT!


Five accomplishments in 15 months:
1) 60 pound weight loss (slow, I know, but getting there!)
2) Going from a sluggish 10 minutes of cardio to up to 40 at a time
3) Giving up soda for good as of July 4
4) Going down 4-5 sizes, from a 24/26 to a 14/16, and fitting into a juniors size 17! :-D 
5) Not having to struggle to do everyday things anymore!


Four goals for the rest of 2010:
1) Get into a jean size 12
2) Increase my cardio by 10 minutes a day
3) Break through my emotional barriers once and for all! 
4) End the year strong, loud, and proud!


Three things that I hope to gain in the coming months:
1) More physical strength 
2) More clothes (seems a little silly, but I'll have even more options!)
3) 100% confidence with myself, no matter what!


Two things I want to accomplish in 2011:
1) To be at goal (90 pounds lost) and maintaing well into next year!
2) Help others who have experienced similar struggles as I have


One thing that will hold true now and forever:
1) I will NEVER go back to being over 240 pounds, miserable, and unhealthy!!


Those are my reflections and goals! They may seem a little generic, but I will get into specifics as I blog about them more and more!


Good night, and thank you for the continued love and support!


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

Total Meltdown Today...

Hi, guys! Well, as the title of this entry says, I totally melted down today. My day started off horribly, with a gain of 3 pounds. Upset and frustrated, I realized that it was either water weight, or as the negative vibes were coming in, thought that I just plain sucked at this. 


I ended up working for five hours today, after I got done at the gym. I had full intentions of going back after my shift, to get my cardio in, but basically let my tired body get to me and said "Screw it." Not the attitude I should be having at this point in my journey! :-(


I got home, chilled for a little bit, then out of nowhere, I just totally broke down with so many negative thoughts coming into my head. Basically, I just thought of myself as an emotional, disgusting, unloveable, size 16 mess who no right minded guy would think of loving. Then the tears came. Not crying at the moment, but still frustrated.


Eventually, I will be at peace with myself, and WILL totally love myself, but I do still have some soul searching and emotional healing to get through. Thank you all for helping me and being part of this journey!


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

It's Only Going Up!

Hey, guys! I was going to write this earlier in the day, but I needed some time to wrap my head around several positive things that happened in my weight-loss journey.


First off, on Saturday, I went to the mall, and did not have any dressing room meltdowns! In fact, it was the opposite! I was doing happy dances! Sure, not everything fit 100%, some didn't fit at all, but I just think back to last August, and I wouldn't even think about going into any store in the mall at all!


Second, I went down another size at Old Navy! I am now in a 14! Still can't wrap my head around that either. In just over a year, I go from a 24/26 to a 14/16. It still seems a little surreal.


Finally...I HIT MY 60 POUND MILESTONE TODAY!! That's the one I'm still in quite a bit of shock over. I know that my weight loss was very slow, and that most people would lose 60 pounds in half the time that I did, but I'm just glad I stayed with it. The weight did, and still is coming off! :-)


Okay, that's everything! Still in a little bit of shock over it all, but it's a good shock. The kind to keep me motivated! I still have 30 pounds or so to lose before I hit my goal, but I will get there!


Kisses and hugs,


Tracy

Experiencing a struggle...

Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't written in awhile, I've been pretty busy!

I decided to write an entry tonight without any numbers or other cliche weight loss info, because I am keeping this real and want to write about my journey from the heart, not just the stats.

This is something that I have been kind of afraid to admit until now: I am still struggling with self-esteem, maybe a little more so before I started losing weight. When I was almost 250 pounds, I really didn't love myself. I loved everyone else more than me, which is what I think lead me to the self-destructive path I was on.

In a year, I have lost almost 60 pounds. Sure, it feels great and all, but honestly, I feel like I got almost nowhere. I'm still in the "obese" portion of the charts, and still can't shop in any of the good stores. I spend MORE time crying now than I did before, and I'm still struggling with loving myself 100%. 

For the record, I do love myself. Otherwise, who knows how much more weight I would have gained. I just struggle with loving myself 100% like I should. I will get there though. It's just a matter of time.

Thank you everyone for your love and support! :-)

Tracy

I Know, It's Been Awhile...

Hey, everyone! I know, long time no write. I've been busy as anything!

Anyway, my 25th birthday was 10 days ago, and I did not hit my goal of 70 pounds lost. I fell short by 11 pounds. I was 187 on my birthday, and still am. However, I feel so great no matter what the scale says! While that number has stayed the same, I have been losing inches throughout my body, so I am making significant progress. It took me some time to realize it, but it finally sunk in. I even splurged and bought myself some new outfits for my birthday! Of course, I splurged that weekend, but I got right back on track the following Monday. Overall, I am very, very happy with how far I have come over the course of a year! 25 will be my year to ROCK!

Have a great day, everyone!

Tracy

Hi, everyone! =)

Hello, my friends! Hope everyone is doing well!

After three weeks of no change in my scale weight, which I'm guessing is due to gaining muscle weight after starting with my trainer three weeks ago, I weighed myself this morning, and saw that I lost two pounds! Total of 59 pounds lost in 11 months! I will fall short of my birthday goal of 70, but in all honesty I could not be prouder of myself.

I have become such a different person in the last year, both mentally and physically. I am not as afraid to stand up for myself and I have realized that I am more capable of doing stuff than I ever thought I was. With my birthday coming up in 17 days, I will be celebrating not only my birthday, but a new start on my life as well.

Have a great day, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,

~Tracy~

Quick Update!

Hey, guys! Happy 4th of July weekend!

Well, first off, my four pound gain was nothing more than water weight. It came right off this week. For a moment, I thought I was messing up big time. Turns out, it was just hormones.

Second, I got set up with a trainer at my gym. I got a deal for $25 each session. I'm only doing it once a week, but I figure that is still pretty good. That way, I can see what I have to do, then work on it on my own the rest of the week. I'm realizing that I can't, or should have to, do this 100% on my own. In fact, my parents are helping me pay for it, so I have their support too. Everything is looking good right now. =)

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

Not My Week

Hi, everyone. Not in a good mood at all today. I gained FOUR pounds this week. I don't know if it's water weight, muscle building, or the fact that I just suck at what I'm doing, but I am a wreck and beyond frustrated. I know that I had a bit of a slip on Saturday, but I got right back on track. I've been in the worst mood all day.

I was doing a little bit better until I went into a store at the mall and tried on a pair of jeans that didn't totally fit. I got them buttoned, but not zippered. I was ready to cry again. I know I've gotten so far in just 10 months, but I thought that I was just a little bit smaller than I am. I'm ready to cry again. Before today, I was so on track to my birthday goal of 70 pounds lost total. I only had 13 pounds left to lose. Now, it seems so far away. It's now 17 pounds I want to lose in six weeks. I'm going to have to go hardcore clean and strict on both food and workouts now. *sigh*

Hope everyone is having a better day than I am!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy

Brief Update

Hey, guys! Forgot to update yesterday with my weekly weigh-in results. I lost one pound, bringing me total loss to 57 pounds in 10 months! I feel great! :-)

Tracy

Happy Day!

Happy Wednesday again, my loves!

Well, my gain two weeks ago was nothing more than water weight. I lost the two pounds the following week. When I weighed in this week, I lost FOUR POUNDS! :-D I have no idea how, but I probably just had a better week than I thought! Overall, I've now lost 56 pounds in 10 months! Two months and 14 pounds to go to my birthday goal. It's going to be tough, but I will fight for it. If I don't reach my birthday goal of a total of 70 pounds lost, I won't get too upset over it. I know that no matter what, I will celebrate the start of my 25th year so much happier and healthier than any other year! :-)

Have a good night, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,

Tracy