Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Just...amazed, and a warrior queen to boot

Hi, all! Ten days into 2012 and I hope it's treating you all well!

I know I haven't posted lately, and it's partly from time, but mostly from a lack of words.

Tonight, while tweeting about not knowing what to blog about, my friend Jennifer (@flowermom3 on Twitter), was telling me that I've come a long way, and that I should be amazed at what I've done.

So, thanks to her, that's tonight's post.

When I started this journey almost two and a half years ago, I was a weak (both physically and emotionally) 24 year old whose life was more out of control than I thought it was.

I realized I had to turn my life from "I can't" and "I'm not" to one of "I can" and "I am." Throughout this journey, I for the most part have. However, I have still had those moments of breakdowns and still seeing myself as that weak person still unhappy with myself.

Just recently, as in the last two or three months, I've had a breakthrough. I'm truly seeing myself as that strong, skinny person that I am! I've realized that I have changed throughout this journey, and that I can do just about anything.

That includes not beating myself up over the small stuff. For example, I had a sluggish elliptical run (2.15 miles in 15 minutes) today. I was so upset with that today because I know I can go so much faster. However, looking back on it tonight, I remember a time when I couldn't even go that fast. I also told myself that what really matters is that I went in there and gave it my all today, sore body and all. I also realized that I can always try again the next day.

One of my favorite cardio songs, which has turned into one of my favorite songs ever, is Lady Gaga's "Marry the Night." It can blast me through a bad run or put me in a good mood when I'm feeling a bit down. Yeah, I know it's pretty much a song about partying and such, but I think the opening verse just describes my journey, especially more recently, even more than the Jordin Sparks song that serves as my blog title does. Anyway, here's the verse:

"I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
live passionately tonight."

In two and a half years, it's safe to say I've become a warrior queen on this journey.

Kisses and hugs,