Monday, December 27, 2010

More to Life than Clothes and Appearance

Hi, everyone! I know it's been over a month since I last wrote in here! Holiday craziness, stress, and and just lack of motivation have sort of caused me to lose ideas to write. 

However, after taking part in a chat on Twitter last week, I sort of got an idea for a blog. It took me a few days to put it on here though. I have started to realize that there is more to living than just appearances and that one can not judge self-worth or anything else on the outside alone. It took me a while to realize this myself, and that I was getting upset over the dumbest stuff.

For example, I almost had a meltdown in Victoria's Secret after I realized I was still too big to fit into their bras there. I wanted to cry so bad. Yes, I know the bras are overpriced, but that was something that I have never been able to do, and knowing that I still can't does suck, but I just realized that over a year ago, I would have never had the guts to go in that store at all. So, baby steps do lead somewhere.    

I have realized that not everything can happen all at once, and that I can't flip out over something as silly as a $40 bra at VS or a $60 pair of Hollister jeans (yes, I have had near meltdowns in there too after finding out that their largest size is an 11). However, I know that in time, I will be able to shop in those stores too (and my bank account will not be thanking me and that I have to keep moving forward.

Last week, I started taking part in the "Me First" chats on Twitter. (The movement's website is The topic was body image. Through numerous questions I have realized that I was still clinging to a negative body image. Even though I had lost all this weight, I still couldn't find a positive thing about myself. However, with a little bit of soul searching, I have started to come around. For example, today I looked in the mirror, well, kitchen window, and for the first time, did not think that my legs were fat! From the front, I saw skinny legs, and the back, I saw well-defined, muscular legs! That was one of my biggest problems for awhile. I always thought I had fat legs, but realized that I just have muscular, athletic calves! Oh, and I can fit a whole calf into a boot, so that helped =)

I know that the world is a superficial place, with thin people being more desired and praised while heavier people are looked down upon, and often rejected by society in general. During the chat, a shirt from Urban Outfitters was brought up. The shirt simply said "Eat Less." Just an example of thin being more desired. Stuff like that leads to more girls having negative body image and possibly having an eating disorder. Just goes to show that inner qualities aren't as important to some people as physical appearance. I'm thankful that I was able to start loving myself before I could go down that route.

I want to close with this little task for you. Look in the mirror. Think of five positive traits about yourself (not physical). Say them to yourself. I did this exercise the other day and I felt better about myself right away. For the record, here are my five:
1) I am a caring person.
2) I do what I feel is right, even if it's not the popular choice.
3) I am usually energetic.
4) I am an awesome friend.
5) I love to laugh, and can sometimes make others laugh too. =)

You can share your five or not, it's up to you. It's just a small exercise to realize that life is more than numbers and physical appearances, something that I struggled to realize myself until recently.

If I don't blog again before Saturday, Happy New Year! Let's make 2011 a year to full of positivity and happiness! =D

Kisses and hugs,


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Why can't I see what everyone else does?

Hi, everyone! Hope everyone is doing well and not stressing out over the start of the holidays!

As the title of this post states, I'm not seeing my progress as everyone else is. I get so many compliments, in person and online, as to how good I look and how good I'm doing, but I still can't see it myself. I swear that everything is going in the opposite direction for me. As the weight goes off, the self esteem is going DOWN. Not good at all. I thought that it was supposed to go UP. Hmm...

I think that it might come down to never totally knowing how to love myself.

For as long as I can remember, I was heavy. I was the "fat kid" who went home crying and eating a ton of junk food because the other kids made fun of me. Ever since, I never felt good enough or pretty enough. 

Now, it's even worse. Yes, I've lost 60 pounds, but I still don't feel pretty enough. I actually think that the reason I don't have a boyfriend, or at least guys flirting with me, is because I'm not pretty because I'm not a size 2. Everyone tells me that I am pretty no matter what size I am, but I still have trouble accepting it.

For the record, I must love myself at least A LITTLE! Otherwise, would I really be sitting here blogging about my weight-loss journey? Probably not. I'm struggling with the self-esteem, but know that there will be that one day where I finally tell myself "You are pretty! You are worth it!"

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

15 Month Reflection and Goals for the Future

Hi, all! I made it to my 15 month mark on my weight loss journey! I know I've only lost 60 pounds, but I haven't stopped going, even though at times, I've felt like everything was crashing down. This past week, I've done a little (okay, a lot!) of soul searching, and wanted to get my thoughts out before they slip my mind. It's a lot, so bear with me.

Six things I've learned about myself:
1) I am capable of way more than I realized that I was.
2) I have become more emotional than I was in the past, and that's okay. 
3) I honestly still struggle with self-esteem, but realize that at the end of the day, I am truly great inside and out.
4) I am not as alone in this as I thought I was.
5) I can stand up for myself and not be totally afraid of the repercussions

Five accomplishments in 15 months:
1) 60 pound weight loss (slow, I know, but getting there!)
2) Going from a sluggish 10 minutes of cardio to up to 40 at a time
3) Giving up soda for good as of July 4
4) Going down 4-5 sizes, from a 24/26 to a 14/16, and fitting into a juniors size 17! :-D 
5) Not having to struggle to do everyday things anymore!

Four goals for the rest of 2010:
1) Get into a jean size 12
2) Increase my cardio by 10 minutes a day
3) Break through my emotional barriers once and for all! 
4) End the year strong, loud, and proud!

Three things that I hope to gain in the coming months:
1) More physical strength 
2) More clothes (seems a little silly, but I'll have even more options!)
3) 100% confidence with myself, no matter what!

Two things I want to accomplish in 2011:
1) To be at goal (90 pounds lost) and maintaing well into next year!
2) Help others who have experienced similar struggles as I have

One thing that will hold true now and forever:
1) I will NEVER go back to being over 240 pounds, miserable, and unhealthy!!

Those are my reflections and goals! They may seem a little generic, but I will get into specifics as I blog about them more and more!

Good night, and thank you for the continued love and support!

Kisses and hugs,


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Total Meltdown Today...

Hi, guys! Well, as the title of this entry says, I totally melted down today. My day started off horribly, with a gain of 3 pounds. Upset and frustrated, I realized that it was either water weight, or as the negative vibes were coming in, thought that I just plain sucked at this. 

I ended up working for five hours today, after I got done at the gym. I had full intentions of going back after my shift, to get my cardio in, but basically let my tired body get to me and said "Screw it." Not the attitude I should be having at this point in my journey! :-(

I got home, chilled for a little bit, then out of nowhere, I just totally broke down with so many negative thoughts coming into my head. Basically, I just thought of myself as an emotional, disgusting, unloveable, size 16 mess who no right minded guy would think of loving. Then the tears came. Not crying at the moment, but still frustrated.

Eventually, I will be at peace with myself, and WILL totally love myself, but I do still have some soul searching and emotional healing to get through. Thank you all for helping me and being part of this journey!

Kisses and hugs,


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

It's Only Going Up!

Hey, guys! I was going to write this earlier in the day, but I needed some time to wrap my head around several positive things that happened in my weight-loss journey.

First off, on Saturday, I went to the mall, and did not have any dressing room meltdowns! In fact, it was the opposite! I was doing happy dances! Sure, not everything fit 100%, some didn't fit at all, but I just think back to last August, and I wouldn't even think about going into any store in the mall at all!

Second, I went down another size at Old Navy! I am now in a 14! Still can't wrap my head around that either. In just over a year, I go from a 24/26 to a 14/16. It still seems a little surreal.

Finally...I HIT MY 60 POUND MILESTONE TODAY!! That's the one I'm still in quite a bit of shock over. I know that my weight loss was very slow, and that most people would lose 60 pounds in half the time that I did, but I'm just glad I stayed with it. The weight did, and still is coming off! :-)

Okay, that's everything! Still in a little bit of shock over it all, but it's a good shock. The kind to keep me motivated! I still have 30 pounds or so to lose before I hit my goal, but I will get there!

Kisses and hugs,


Monday, September 27, 2010

Experiencing a struggle...

Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't written in awhile, I've been pretty busy!

I decided to write an entry tonight without any numbers or other cliche weight loss info, because I am keeping this real and want to write about my journey from the heart, not just the stats.

This is something that I have been kind of afraid to admit until now: I am still struggling with self-esteem, maybe a little more so before I started losing weight. When I was almost 250 pounds, I really didn't love myself. I loved everyone else more than me, which is what I think lead me to the self-destructive path I was on.

In a year, I have lost almost 60 pounds. Sure, it feels great and all, but honestly, I feel like I got almost nowhere. I'm still in the "obese" portion of the charts, and still can't shop in any of the good stores. I spend MORE time crying now than I did before, and I'm still struggling with loving myself 100%. 

For the record, I do love myself. Otherwise, who knows how much more weight I would have gained. I just struggle with loving myself 100% like I should. I will get there though. It's just a matter of time.

Thank you everyone for your love and support! :-)


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I Know, It's Been Awhile...

Hey, everyone! I know, long time no write. I've been busy as anything!

Anyway, my 25th birthday was 10 days ago, and I did not hit my goal of 70 pounds lost. I fell short by 11 pounds. I was 187 on my birthday, and still am. However, I feel so great no matter what the scale says! While that number has stayed the same, I have been losing inches throughout my body, so I am making significant progress. It took me some time to realize it, but it finally sunk in. I even splurged and bought myself some new outfits for my birthday! Of course, I splurged that weekend, but I got right back on track the following Monday. Overall, I am very, very happy with how far I have come over the course of a year! 25 will be my year to ROCK!
Have a great day, everyone!


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Hi, everyone! =)

Hello, my friends! Hope everyone is doing well!

After three weeks of no change in my scale weight, which I'm guessing is due to gaining muscle weight after starting with my trainer three weeks ago, I weighed myself this morning, and saw that I lost two pounds! Total of 59 pounds lost in 11 months! I will fall short of my birthday goal of 70, but in all honesty I could not be prouder of myself.

I have become such a different person in the last year, both mentally and physically. I am not as afraid to stand up for myself and I have realized that I am more capable of doing stuff than I ever thought I was. With my birthday coming up in 17 days, I will be celebrating not only my birthday, but a new start on my life as well.
Have a great day, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,


Friday, July 2, 2010

Quick Update!

Hey, guys! Happy 4th of July weekend!

Well, first off, my four pound gain was nothing more than water weight. It came right off this week. For a moment, I thought I was messing up big time. Turns out, it was just hormones.

Second, I got set up with a trainer at my gym. I got a deal for $25 each session. I'm only doing it once a week, but I figure that is still pretty good. That way, I can see what I have to do, then work on it on my own the rest of the week. I'm realizing that I can't, or should have to, do this 100% on my own. In fact, my parents are helping me pay for it, so I have their support too. Everything is looking good right now. =)

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Not My Week

Hi, everyone. Not in a good mood at all today. I gained FOUR pounds this week. I don't know if it's water weight, muscle building, or the fact that I just suck at what I'm doing, but I am a wreck and beyond frustrated. I know that I had a bit of a slip on Saturday, but I got right back on track. I've been in the worst mood all day.

I was doing a little bit better until I went into a store at the mall and tried on a pair of jeans that didn't totally fit. I got them buttoned, but not zippered. I was ready to cry again. I know I've gotten so far in just 10 months, but I thought that I was just a little bit smaller than I am. I'm ready to cry again. Before today, I was so on track to my birthday goal of 70 pounds lost total. I only had 13 pounds left to lose. Now, it seems so far away. It's now 17 pounds I want to lose in six weeks. I'm going to have to go hardcore clean and strict on both food and workouts now. *sigh*

Hope everyone is having a better day than I am!
Kisses and hugs,


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Brief Update

Hey, guys! Forgot to update yesterday with my weekly weigh-in results. I lost one pound, bringing me total loss to 57 pounds in 10 months! I feel great! :-)


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Happy Day!

Happy Wednesday again, my loves!

Well, my gain two weeks ago was nothing more than water weight. I lost the two pounds the following week. When I weighed in this week, I lost FOUR POUNDS! :-D I have no idea how, but I probably just had a better week than I thought! Overall, I've now lost 56 pounds in 10 months! Two months and 14 pounds to go to my birthday goal. It's going to be tough, but I will fight for it. If I don't reach my birthday goal of a total of 70 pounds lost, I won't get too upset over it. I know that no matter what, I will celebrate the start of my 25th year so much happier and healthier than any other year! :-)

Have a good night, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Another Breakthrough!

Hello again, my friends!

A little while ago, after about 10 minutes of crying, a glass of milk, a much needed Twitter conversation, and a bit of a reality check, I realized that I need help on this weight loss journey. I'm getting practically no support at home anymore. My family is still stuck in their old habits, which WERE my old habits nine and a half months ago.

I know I lost 51 pounds in nine and a half months on my own. It was a very hard nine and a half months, but I'm proud of myself. However, these last two weeks the hardest yet. Last week, there was no change at all, and this week, I gained two pounds. It was today that made me realize that I can't keep doing this on my own anymore. Part of me feels like I'm raising the white flag, but I realized that even the strongest do need help. I'm not totally sure when I'm going to start, but it'll be soon. If I do join, I'll post how it goes!


Just Hit a Roadblock :-(

Good morning, my loves! Hope everyone is having a good week!

I weighed in this morning, like I do every Wednesday, and I actually GAINED two pounds. I am so not a happy camper right now. Not at all.

Yes, I know that I ate horribly all weekend long, especially with my mom's birthday festivities, and did not get as much exercise in as I would have liked. Still, it's depressing to see the number go up on the scale instead of down. It just shows that I need to work out even more than I already am and eat that much better. I won't give up! I've come too far to go back to my old ways!

Thank you everyone for your continued love and support! Have a great day! :-)


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Happy Wednesday!

Good morning my loves! Happy Wednesday!

Well, I went to the gym for 45 minutes this morning, then weighed in...and didn't lose any weight this week. I was a little dissapointed at first, then I broke out the measuring tape and lost about seven inches overall! So I realized that even though the number on the scale didn't change, I must be doing something right, since I did lose inches. I think that the muscle gain is starting to set in, especially since I started to incorporate much more strength training than I ever have over the last 10 days.

Have a great day everyone!


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Nine Months In, and It's Great! :-)

Good morning my friends! Hope everyone is doing good!

I lost two pounds this week, bringing my total loss to 53 pounds in nine months! Only 37 pounds to go to my overall goal of a 90 pound loss, and 17 to go for my birthday goal! I KNOW I can do this!

This morning, I knew that I had to get up early to go to the gym and get my workout there in before my sister took the car to go to school. However, it was a little hard because I woke up to rain outside. However, I knew that if I didn't go early in the day, I wouldn't go at all because I have work tonight. I did get there around 8, and got a 45 minute workout in there, then went home and did my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD. I got all my workouts in before 10 a.m., first time that has happened in ages!

I can't thank everyone enough for their love and support throughout these last several months, and for keeping it coming! I love you guys!

Kisses and hugs,


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Got Hurt, But Still Able to Work Out!

Hello, my friends! Hope that everyone is having a good weekend!

On Thursday, I very, very stupidly twisted my ankle during my afternoon walk. It was a little better when I woke up on Friday morning. However, I worked and walked on it for five hours straight, which brought the pain right back. No workout on Friday. It felt horrible not being able to Shred like I have been doing!

Today, my ankle is feeling better, but I didn't want to jump right back into my normal routine and aggrivate my foot again. Just a little while ago, I realized that just because I hurt a part of my lower body doesn't mean that I couldn't workout my upper body. I did just that. I did chest flies, three forms of crunches, dumbbell rows, bicep curls, and punches. Basically, I took moves from the Shred that I knew would not put too much stress on my ankle, but knew would give me a good workout.

Before I started this journey to change my life, I would have used the ankle injury as an excuse not to work out at all. Now, I've realized that if you injure ONE part of the body, there are still others that you can work on. It's just a matter of finding the moves that you are able to do.

Have a good night everyone!


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Shred Update and Other Randomness

Hello, my friends! Hope everyone's day is going well.

I am four days into the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. I am already noticing a huge difference in my endurance.

On Day 1, I could barely do 10 jumping jacks without stopping, cringed during all the sit-ups, and could not even do one regular push-up. Now, I can do a full 30 seconds of jumping jacks and not even stopping, sit-ups are so much easier, and I can do regular push-ups for half of the circuit. I feel that I will be going up to Level 2 workouts this weekend! After four days, I am noticing a huge difference in everything! And I still have 26 days to go! :-D

On another note, I'm actually going to join a gym. Yeah, I said that I would never join one, since I could do so many of those exercises at home. However, I am in need of some more variety, and I can't get it with my at home workouts for too much longer. There's one here that is only $20 a month, and has good hours and all sorts of deals this month. So, I'm going to go over on Monday afternoon and join.

One more thing, after yesterday, I set a three month weight-loss goal of 19 pounds. That will be a total of 70 pounds lost by my 25th birthday. It'll be a challenge, but one that I will take hands-on and head first. Bring it on!

Have a good day everyone!

Kisses and hugs,


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Wednesday Again!

Hello, my loves! Hope everyone's having a good week!

I only lost a half pound this week :-P I think my hormones had their way this week, but I'm not dwelling on that. My overall loss is now at 51 pounds in 8 months and three weeks!

I finished day 3 of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, and I am already noticing a huge difference in my endurance! I ended today's workout feeling as good as I did when I started! My legs are still a little sore, but I was expecting that beterrn the workouts and doing three hours of cleaning plans at work.

I'm feeling great, much better than I did nine months ago, just before I started changing my life. Three months from Friday, I will be 25, and I will start my 25th year so much happier and healthier than I started my 24th!

Have a good day everyone!

Kisses and hugs,


Monday, May 3, 2010

Start the Shred!

Hello, my friends! Hope everyone had a good weekend!

I started Jillian Michaels' 30 day Shred today, as part of a challenge with some of my friends on Twitter and Celebrate Weight Loss. I wanted a change of pace from the Wii Fit and Gold's Gym Cardio exercises I was doing, and this was the perfect opportunity.

Let's just say that I had my ass kicked on the first day.

I had never done any sort of circut training before, so I had no idea that it moved as fast as it did. However, I realized that the workout wasn't going to last forever, so I pushed through, even through the ab exercises, which were tough, especially the bicycle crunches. I know that the workout will get easier over time, and that I AM capable of doing this!

Have a good day, everyone!


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Another Milestone Hit!! :-)

Hello, my friends! Hope everyone's having a good week!

Well, I hit another milestone this week. I lost a pound and a half this week, for a total loss of 50.5 pounds in eight and a half months!! HOORAY!

I definitely feel the best I've been in forever. I can do stuff that I didn't think I could do and stuff I was already doing can be done so much easier. When I started this journey, it was so hard to move around at work, and I would get out of breath so easily. Now, I can actually move and life has become easier. Workouts have also become easier too. For example, I could barely do 10 minutes of Wii Fit free step without stopping. Now, I can do 30-40 minutes and not feel like I have to pass out. The best was when I went to the movies yesterday, and there was a good six inches between me and the seat. All this stuff may seem small to some people, but to me, it's all huge! And things will only get better from here!

Thank you all for your love and support!

Kisses and hugs,


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Weigh-In Wednesday!

Hello, everyone! Hope everyone's having a good week!

I lost one pound this week for a total loss of 49 pounds! :-D

Not the two pound loss I was hoping for, but I'll take it! The way I look at it, it's better than no loss or GAINING weight.

Here's to another awesome week! Next week I WILL hit my 50 pound mark!

Love you guys!


Saturday, April 17, 2010

I Thought I Was Alone, But I'm Not

Hello, my friends! Hope that everyone's having a good weekend!

I reread Tuesday's blog and realized that while I was a perfectionist who never really loved myself, there is a little bit more to the story: I also spent much of my life feeling alone.

The summer before I started middle school, my family and me moved from Elizabeth to Leonardo. As a result, everyone had already made their friends in elementary school, and I was the "new girl." And in middle school, being the new kid is probably the worst feeling in the world. I didn't make new friends easily AT ALL, and thought that food was really the only thing that was always there, so I would just eat, and not really feel anything, except my clothes getting tighter and tighter.

When I went into high school, I made new friends a lot easier, but in many ways, I still felt empty and alone. Sure, I was friendly and sweet, but I think because I let food suppress my feelings, I let myself ger heavy, and fat kids are looked down upon, so I was never invited to do anything with anyone, and kept to myself. Eventually, during my senior year, I opened up, but by that point, everyone was getting ready to go on their separate ways. As a result, my high school years were not the greatest.

College went better than high school in terms of making friends and being social. I lived on campus for all four years, and it was a lot easier to be around people and have a social life. However, after I graduated, I was back to being alone and back to my old habits with lack of socialization and stuffing myself with food. I then hit my highest weight, 242 pounds, and relaized that something had to change.

It wasn't until last summer that I realized that I didn't want to live the way I was living anymore. I started changing not just my body, but my soul as well. When I started this journey, I thought I was on my own. In some ways, I am, in that I'm not on a program like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. However, I started to talk to people online who are going through the same struggle with weight that I am, and realized that I am NEVER truly alone. Even though I haven't met these people face to face, we still support each other. So we are apart in distance, together at heart.

I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I have realized that this journey is as emotional as it is physical, and now that I truly know the "why" of how I got in such bad shape, I can figure out what to change and how to do it. I still have a bit of a way to go, but I feel a bit of a relief now that I cleared a major hurdle in my journey.

Feeling loved in and out,


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Oh look, It's Wednesday again...

Good morning my loves!

Well, as of last week, I was within two pounds of hitting a total loss of 50 pounds. I went to weigh in this morning and I lost...absolutely nothing. :-( However, I didn't gain anything either. :-) Still, it was a little disappointing, knowing I was that close to another milestone and not hitting it.

Then again, this last week was not as good of a week as I had hoped it would be. My eating was off in all forms of the word, especially Friday, when it was so busy at work that I wasn't able to go on break and eat, so I went over 10 hours without eating anything. Then it backfired. I ended up stuffing my face with fries and a burger. And I felt SO gross after I finished. I realized that if I can't eat on a regular pattern, which is more or less the case when I have work, then I have to make better choices when I do eat, and not eat so much heavy food all at once. Oh yeah, and add something to my breakfast of Multi-Grain Cherrios, like yogurt or fruit.

Anyway, rather than moping and wallowing in my lack of a loss, I went right into a workout. I burned 270 calories in 37 minutes and felt sore after, but it gave me a good feeling that I did something that will be good for my body in the long term. In fact, I realized that eight months ago, I wasn't able to last even 10 minutes on the beginner level workouts on my Gold's Gym Cardio game. Today, I did 37 minutes on intermediate and even advanced workouts. No, I didn't get perfect scores, but I was keeping a pretty good pace with the workouts! That made me realize two things. The first is how far I've come in eight months on this journey. The second is that not everything has to be perfect, and not everything will, but as long as I can keep a pretty good pace with what I get thrown at me, then I'll be okay.

This week WILL be the week that I hit my 50 pound milestone! I just have to keep pace with the workouts and make sure I make better choices when I eat, even if I can't eat on a regular schedule!

And keep the support coming! I love it and I love you guys!


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

No Matter What, Love Yourself!

Hello, my friends! Hope everyone's doing well!

Like every Tuesday night, I was watching The Biggest Loser. It was this show that motivated me to start changing my life and making myself healthy. However, it was after tonight's episode that I had a major breakthrough on my journey: I never really loved myself at all, and that led me to the self destructive path which resulted in me ending up at 242 pounds.

It was when Drea was saying that she felt unloveable and didn't want anyone to touch her that I realized that I wasn't loving myself either. Honestly, I don't think I ever really did. I have been a perfectionist since I was a kid, and figured that if it wasn't perfect, then what was the point? As a result, I found comfort in food, and I ended up being as heavy as I was.

Eight months ago, I started on a journey to lose weight and change my life. I knew there is always that one emotional barrier that everyone has to break through in order for the journey to be a true success.

Tonight, I found mine. Well, two of them to be exact.

The first is that I realized that not everything has to be perfect. I will have slips, and maybe some full blown falls, but the thing is to learn from them, and carry on. Wanting everything to be perfect just leads to an "all or nothing" attitude which will eventually lead to failure, which would eventually lead me down the same path I was on before, back up to 242 pounds, maybe more. And that is one place I don't want to go back to.

The second is that I have to love myself. I never really did, and that was why I let myself get in such bad shape. I have just started to truly love myself because I realized that no matter what, I AM truly worth it. I have started to realize that there is so much that I am capable of, and my life is worth living! As I continue on, I will start to open myself up to more love, not just from myself, but from the many people who I know love and care about me, which from comments on Facebook and Twitter, I know that many do.

To close out, thank you all for loving me and supporting me on my journey!

Kisses and hugs,


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

It's Wednesday...Weigh-In Day

Hello, again! Hope everyone's week is going well!

I weighed in this morning, as I do every Wednesday, and lost another pound! That brings my total loss for seven months and three weeks to 48 pounds! :-D I'm happy with that, of course, but it made me realize that I'm two pounds away from losing 50. So I plan to have a kick-ass week this week and work my butt off and watch my food intake very, very closely! No, it won't all be fun and games, but it'll all be worth it in the end, as it'll be another milestone in my journey.

Until next time, my friends!


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Change it Up!

Hello, my friends! Hope everyone is doing good!

I recently took a moment or so to look over my workout routine, and while Wii Fit's strength training and yoga are good, I realized that I needed more resistance training in my routine.

My first instinct was to get a set or two of free weights. However, I realized that I have no room to store them. So I got the next best thing: resistance bands. I got a set of 3 bands, hand grips, a DVD, and a carrying bag for only $15-half the cost of a month at a gym.

Let me tell you, it was well worth it, even though I only used them once so far. Just minutes in, I was feeling my muscles working, and after the full 30 minutes, it was the best workout I had in some time. Yup, I officially worked resistance training into my routine. 30 minutes a day, 3 days a week...yeah that'll work for me. Add in my cardio 2-3 days a week, and I'm set. :-)

In all honesty, I don't think I would have been this open to change seven and a half months ago. Now I've realized that, for the most part, change is good. It can lead to new things, some bad, some good. It's all about being open to it.

Taking it one step at a time!


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Picture Time!

Hello again, my friends! A few have been asking for pictures, so here we go!

This was April 2007-242 pounds...Last picture I took for quite some time...

This was December 22, 2009-I was around 210 at the time...down 32 pounds!

April 4, 2010-Down 47 at 195 :-)

Hope to post many more pics as I continue on! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!! :-)


I CAN Enjoy a Meal Out...and Stay on Track! :-)

Hello, everyone! And Happy Easter to all my Christian followers! No, I did not eat any chocolate bunnies or Peeps. :-)

I actually got to go out to dinner last night. I went with my family to Lonestar up in Bridgewater, about 45 minutes north of my house. I knew going out would be a test of how I could stay within my changing for the better lifestyle, and still have an enjoyable meal.

Well, I knew it would be hard, but little did I know just HOW hard it was going to be.

First off, I did cheat and have a beer. However, I limited myself to one Corona Light. I figured at 110 calories, I was slightly better off with one beer than I was with bottomless soda. With the size of the glasses, I was figuring about 400 per regular soda. And some of my family were having two or three of them. Well, I was happy with my one beer and two of the huge glasses of water. :-)

Then, came the hardest part of the meal: THE BREAD! Lonestar brings bread out to the table when they bring you your drinks. My first instinct was to say not to have the bread out until the meals came out. However, I was with four other people, so that would not fly too easily. What I could control, however, was how close the bread was to me, so I wasn't as tempted by it. That's just what I did. We put it at the other end of the table, and I did not have a piece (well, two) until my dinner was served.

The worst part for me was when everyone wanted potato skins. I wanted them too, even though I knew I shouldn't eat them in the first place. Well, I ate one. However, I scraped the excess cheese off so that there was only a tiny bit on the skin and had no sour cream on it at all. I found the one plain skin to be enough to satisfy my needs, especially since I had spicy chicken tortilla soup as well.

As for my main course, I had a 6 ounce filet mignion. It had very little fat on it, except for the bacon, which I took off. I used to eat everyone's bacon, now I didn't even want mine. Shows how much change I really placed into my life. With the steak, I had a sweet potato. No butter on it, but I did put a little cinnamon sugar on top. Sweet potatoes are plenty moist and tasty without butter, so I didn't even miss the stuff. A very yummy dinner.

And, yes, I did have dessert. I try to limit my sweets to one a day, and this would be my one. I had half of a small hot fudge sundae. I then put the rest in the freezer so I could enjoy dessert again another day. :-)

After last night, I learned that there will be times that I will be tempted along this journey. Some temptations I can control, others not so much (especially when I'm with my family.) What I can control is how I handle them. Before, I would eat a ton of bread before dinner, eat a few potato skins with a ton of sour cream, my full dinner, and still want dessert. Now, I've learned how to eat those foods in a smart way so I can enjoy them and stay on course.

Just got to take it one step at a time! :-)


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Success is a Journey, Not a Destination

I once heard the saying "Success is a journey, not a destination." This is so true in my weight loss journey. Every success, no matter how big, or small, is a step forward in the right direction.

The best one so far, and probably the one that matters most, is being able to do so much more physically than I was able to this time last year. Before I started losing weight, I couldn't even do 10 minutes of exercise without needing a rest. Now, I can go for 30-40 minutes without stopping!

My favorite success, and the most expensive (lol) is being able to fit into practically anything I want. As a result, I constantly want to go clothes shopping now, even though I know I'm going to need new clothes in a few months anyway. For example, I went into Old Navy and bought myself a pair of skinny jeans in a size 16. I don't remember the last time I even FIT into a size 16, so that put a huge smile on my face. And I always said that I would never wear skinny jeans, so to wear them and feel great in them is amazing.

The best was when I went into Kohl's and Target and was able to buy size 17 shorts (including my first ever pair of short shorts! :-D) from the juniors department. Of course, everything I bought is just a LITTLE tight, but when I lose another five pounds, it will all fit perfectly! That was the best feeling in the world. I know that it sounds a little silly, but when you're wearing women's plus sizes from 13 years old, fitting into junior sizes is GREAT! :-)

The greatest though is feeling better about myself. For so many years, I had almost no self-esteem. I was miserable and felt like I was nothing. However, I now realize that I AM worth it, and will continue to do so. I may have bad days, but hopefully they will be few and far between.

I have lost a total of 47 pounds in seven and a half months. Even though seeing the scale go down is a success itself, I have come to realize that success is more than just a number on the scale. It's being able to do more, fit into more kinds of clohes, and feeling a lot better about yourself. I still have a way to go (another 43 pounds), and yes, I will have my ups and downs, but each success will be worth it!


Welcome to the Journey

Hello, friends!

Seven and a half months ago, I decided to finally lose weight, get healthy, and finally get a life that I never had. However, I just decided (literally, hours ago) to share my experiences with the world. Sure, the thought of a blog about stuff like this may have been done so many times before, but each person's journey is different, so I realized that there's always room for one more person to share his or her experience.

Welcome to mine.

Oh sure, I would spend years saying that I would start tomorrow or next week. Well, tomorrow and next week came and went, and nothing would change. I honestly think that it was easy being overweight. I never exercised and ate literally, anything I wanted. Most of the time, what I wanted was high-fattening, good tasting sweet stuff almost every hour of the day. No matter how full I was, I still wanted more.

It was after the season 7 (spring 2009) finale of The Biggest Loser that I realized that I had to make some major changes in my life. I've been a fan of the show since season 4 (fall 2007), and yes, I admit to eating cookies and ice cream while I watched. However, after the season 7 finale, I decided that I had watched the show for too long, and spent too much of my life overweight and unhappy, to keep going the way I was going.

So, my journey began. At first, I wondered why I would go through this. Then, I realized that every change, no matter how small, would make a difference. For example, I went from drinking about 48 ounces of soda (4 cans) to none. I lost almost 10 pounds that week alone. However, I eventually went back to drinking soda, but I learned how to control my intake to at most a can a day. I did the same thing with my sweet tooth. I now limit my sweets to one treat a day, usually after supper.

As a matter of fact, the only drastic change I really made was in regards to my activity level. I went from doing almost nothing to making sure I get at least 30 minutes of exercise in every day. Some days are harder than others, especially when I work early in the mornings, but I make sure I do something to get myself moving. I've realized that the only way that this can happen is one step at a time and that "It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen that we find the reasons why, one step at a time," as sung by Jordin Sparks. I love the song "One Step at a Time" and that was the inspiration for the title for this. :-)

I'm going to close this with a huge thank you to everyone for reading this and for joining me on my journey!