Hi, everyone! Long time, no write, I know. Fail on my part. Major fail.
Over the last couple of weeks, I've been in and out of a funk. Nothing bad, but just not feeling like my happy, bubbly self.
Part of it is work related, between not getting the promotion I was going for, and some horrible shifts where I was getting noticed for only what I was doing wrong. I'm honestly still working on not taking things personally, but on Thursday, I just sort of snapped. I think I had more than one nervous breakdown and spent a good chunk of the day ready to kill people. Did I get through the shift? Yes. Did I get fired? No. So, I did manage to keep my cool in a crazy day. Hey, it's a start.
At home, my dad's been in and out of the hospital for the last two or three months. He's been dealing with congestive heart failure, and one of the medications he was on was poisoning him. He also had to have leads on his pacemaker replaced, and change in meds for his heart rate too. It just sucks feeling so helpless in a situation like that.
On a positive note, my little sister is expecting a baby boy in May! I'm going to be an aunt/godmother!
Honestly, I'm not feeling as excited as I should be though. Yes, I'm going to be an aunt/godmother, but at the same time, I'm starting to feel...invisible. Again. She always got the attention when we were kids, always got away with everything, and now it's happening all over again. Worst part? People who know both of us always ask me how SHE's doing. Not how I'm doing. Then again, I probably wouldn't be honest anyway, but it would still be nice to be asked. Call me selfish, stupid, whatever you want. I'm just putting it out there. I think I'll get over this sooner rather than later, but right now, I'm just not jumping for joy.
However, unlike the past, when I would eat to bury my pain, I have taken my fury out in the gym. Spin has become my go-to cardio workout now, since I can't do kick as much as I used to because of my knee. I always loved it since my first class in July, but now I love it more. I've also started planking, and it's amazing to see what the body is capable of if the mind is in the right place too. I got to a 6:02 plank on my hands after about a month or two. Since then, I decided to start doing forearm planks, and have made it to just over 2:00! I rock!
So while I'm riding this roller coaster of emotions, I have realized that not every day will be perfect, and in fact the bad days are almost a must to truly appreciate the good ones. I have also learned that while you don't necessarily control what gets handed to you, you can control how you handle it. In my case, I'm learning to be more vocal while also being less emotional. This is a learning process, and I believe that I will get there someday. But for now, I'm just taking life one day, and one step, at a time.