Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Same Story, Different Day =(

Hi, everyone! I know it's been awhile since I wrote on here! Between not having constant access to my laptop, and simply lack of inspiration, it's been a little hard to.

It has been an up and down month, both physically and emotionally. I seem to have hit another "Debbie Downer" phase, at least for part of the month. My numbers weren't where I wanted them to be, and I was, once again, struggling with my self-esteem. I have spent a good chunk of February as a mess. Just as I thought I was getting better, it all came crashing down again.

I realize that I have less than a third of my goal left to go, and that the weight will not come off as easily as it did in the beginning, not that the first part of my weight loss was a ( cakewalk, but it seems that the last 20-30 pounds is the hardest to lose. Still, part of me feels like I'm not doing enough or doing something wrong, because honestly, I feel like I should be at goal by now, after over a year and a half of doing this. 

As for the emotional, it's more of the same crap I've been thinking about for months. Once again, I hit a point where I don't think I'm loveable. I know that there is more to a person than what's on the outside, but sadly, most people don't. That is such a shame to think about, much less talk about, but it is, very sadly, reality. I think part of it is not knowing anything but being heavy, looked down on, and made fun of for pretty much my entire life. I know I'll accept myself, and I have at one point, but for now, it's back to where I was: feeling disgusting and unloveable.

Anyway, I'll end here. Hope I can blog again soon!

Kisses and hugs,


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

JanGTD Reflection

Hi, everyone! I know it's been awhile since I blogged, but I have been a busy girl! Work, sleep, vidding, and so much more! But I decided to finally make time and write this entry about a challenge I just finished.

Through some Twitter pals, I found out about a challenge called "Go the Distance." Basically, it was setting goals with both strength training circuits and cardio miles. These were the goals I set for myself:

1) 12 strength circuits
2) 50 miles on the elliptical
3) 25 miles on the summit trainer

Most of the month was a challenge. Besides not having access to my gym for several days of the month (Snow kept me from getting to the gym), there were honestly some days where I didn't feel like working out. Still, I pushed through those mental blocks, and kicked ass more and more throughout the month!

Results of JanGTD:

1) 11 strength circuits done. If I was more motivated to workout at home, I would have gotten to 12. =(
2) 39.8 miles out of 50 on the elliptical. 79.6% of my goal. Given that I wasn't  able to get to the gym as often as I would have liked, I'm happy with that.
3) 25.4 miles on the summit trainer. I went over goal by 0.4 miles. I set a smaller goal on that because it is the harder of the two modalities, and I hit it last night!

However, even if I didn't hit my overall goal, I set some smaller goals for myself. One was to do an hour of cardio, since I was hardly able to do 20 minutes without wanting to pass out. I did that several times throughout the month!

My second was to hit 4 miles on the elliptical. I had done at most 3 and change at once, and I really wanted to hit 4, partially to push myself, and partially to tell myself "Yes, I can!" All month, I struggled to do it. On Sunday, something came over me, and the juices were flowing hard and fast! I set the timer on the elliptical for 30 minutes, but told myself I would not get off until I hit the 4 miles. I didn't need the full 30 minutes to hit it. I hit my fourth mile at 28:52! However, I didn't quit until I finished the full 30 minutes, and ended at 4.15 miles. Here's the pic for those who need (Ignore the heart rate reading. I wasn't holding the sensors.):

One word: INSANITY!!

I had several of my Twitter pals rooting me on as I did this. I try not to tweet (or do anything else) while I workout, but tweeting on Sunday definitely helped me! Knowing that people were supporting me was awesome! 

Even though I only hit one of my three goals during this challenge, I felt like I accomplished so much more. I pushed myself in ways that I may not have if I didn't sign up for this. This was also the first time that I had set a specific goal for myself. Just having the goal totally motivated me in the gym! 

Before I close, I lost 3 pounds this week, bringing my total loss to 66 pounds! I am now 180, which is a number I haven't seen in, like, 10 years! Such an amazing feeling!

Okay, I'm done before I turn this entry into a book! Good night, and happiness to all! =)

Kisses and hugs,