Monday, September 27, 2010

Experiencing a struggle...

Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't written in awhile, I've been pretty busy!

I decided to write an entry tonight without any numbers or other cliche weight loss info, because I am keeping this real and want to write about my journey from the heart, not just the stats.

This is something that I have been kind of afraid to admit until now: I am still struggling with self-esteem, maybe a little more so before I started losing weight. When I was almost 250 pounds, I really didn't love myself. I loved everyone else more than me, which is what I think lead me to the self-destructive path I was on.

In a year, I have lost almost 60 pounds. Sure, it feels great and all, but honestly, I feel like I got almost nowhere. I'm still in the "obese" portion of the charts, and still can't shop in any of the good stores. I spend MORE time crying now than I did before, and I'm still struggling with loving myself 100%. 

For the record, I do love myself. Otherwise, who knows how much more weight I would have gained. I just struggle with loving myself 100% like I should. I will get there though. It's just a matter of time.

Thank you everyone for your love and support! :-)



  1. Tracy thank you for sharing! We are so much alike on our thinking and I know exactly where you are coming from! I glanced at your blog last night and then wrote something in mine today. I came back to read your blogs and saw this one and realized just how similar we both sound. It just lets me know I'm not the only one in my Journey and your doing a fantastic job on yours! I know how hard it is, I kept thinking I'd be wanting to celebrate at every lb I lost but instead my mind slows that process of thinking...I need to lose more...I need to do this, I should be that...ect! Its definately self esteem issues as I have been facing the 'blah' feeling lately. I wanted to hit my goal on October 6th of this year and I'm still 15lbs away. I keep having so many asking me if I'm celebrating and they are amazed at my Journey and yet I'm not celebrating. I think it really is beginning to sink in though and as happy as I am to have come from 289lbs to where I am now it almost is more of a shock like my brain won't even allow me to believe it. Its a motivational situation to be going through this and its part of the healing process as we go through our self esteem issues, we are healing daily. Congrats on your journey and be proud to be where you are and who you are! You have done something that many back out of instead you've kept going for a whole year! SO PROUD OF YOU! You WILL see that goal but you already have done more than some will ever do in their journey's! Sending you a hug and smiling from how wonderful you are because truly you are amazing! I know it will take a moment to really sink in, but you will hit your goal and look back and realize just what you did took a LOT OF HARD WORK! High five girl to both of us on our Journey's we will see our goals, we're almost there!!!

  2. Tracy, you WILL get there! Make sure that you're taking care of yourself amidst the busyness of life. You deserve that self-care, even if you don't feel like you do. A hot cup of tea, a foot massage, whatever it is that makes you feel 100% in love with you. (Even an ounce of dark chocolate!)

    So great to "meet" you on the #fitblog chat last night. Let me know if there is something I can do to encourage you!