Hi, everyone! I know it's been awhile since I wrote on here! Between not having constant access to my laptop, and simply lack of inspiration, it's been a little hard to.
It has been an up and down month, both physically and emotionally. I seem to have hit another "Debbie Downer" phase, at least for part of the month. My numbers weren't where I wanted them to be, and I was, once again, struggling with my self-esteem. I have spent a good chunk of February as a mess. Just as I thought I was getting better, it all came crashing down again.
I realize that I have less than a third of my goal left to go, and that the weight will not come off as easily as it did in the beginning, not that the first part of my weight loss was a (sugar-free...lol) cakewalk, but it seems that the last 20-30 pounds is the hardest to lose. Still, part of me feels like I'm not doing enough or doing something wrong, because honestly, I feel like I should be at goal by now, after over a year and a half of doing this.
As for the emotional, it's more of the same crap I've been thinking about for months. Once again, I hit a point where I don't think I'm loveable. I know that there is more to a person than what's on the outside, but sadly, most people don't. That is such a shame to think about, much less talk about, but it is, very sadly, reality. I think part of it is not knowing anything but being heavy, looked down on, and made fun of for pretty much my entire life. I know I'll accept myself, and I have at one point, but for now, it's back to where I was: feeling disgusting and unloveable.
Anyway, I'll end here. Hope I can blog again soon!
Kisses and hugs,
Tracy
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