Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Why can't I see what everyone else does?

Hi, everyone! Hope everyone is doing well and not stressing out over the start of the holidays!

As the title of this post states, I'm not seeing my progress as everyone else is. I get so many compliments, in person and online, as to how good I look and how good I'm doing, but I still can't see it myself. I swear that everything is going in the opposite direction for me. As the weight goes off, the self esteem is going DOWN. Not good at all. I thought that it was supposed to go UP. Hmm...

I think that it might come down to never totally knowing how to love myself.

For as long as I can remember, I was heavy. I was the "fat kid" who went home crying and eating a ton of junk food because the other kids made fun of me. Ever since, I never felt good enough or pretty enough. 

Now, it's even worse. Yes, I've lost 60 pounds, but I still don't feel pretty enough. I actually think that the reason I don't have a boyfriend, or at least guys flirting with me, is because I'm not pretty because I'm not a size 2. Everyone tells me that I am pretty no matter what size I am, but I still have trouble accepting it.

For the record, I must love myself at least A LITTLE! Otherwise, would I really be sitting here blogging about my weight-loss journey? Probably not. I'm struggling with the self-esteem, but know that there will be that one day where I finally tell myself "You are pretty! You are worth it!"

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Kisses and hugs,



  1. I hope you're doing better. I certainly think the progress you have already made shows great dedication, strength, and numerous other admirable qualities.

  2. Hi ! I can TOTALLY relate with your feelings. I even blogged about associating being fat with being ugly b/c that was usually what my mind would tell me. Check out my "Fat Fries Please" blog when you get a chance ;-)

    And... WHOA you've lost 60 lbs !!!! That's amazing ! Truly an inspiration. I'll have to sit down and catch up on the older parts of your journey. I hope you return very soon and frequently to update us. I'm sure I could learn one, two, a million things from you.